ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
