Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
