Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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