how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
