I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
