She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
