Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
