I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
