the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
