I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
