Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
