I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
