honey bunches of taint.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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