google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
