sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
