I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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