Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
