That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
