I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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