after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize