I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
