well I can't set my house on fire every night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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