Will you blow on my dice?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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