He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
