My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
