you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize