you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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