the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
