so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
