dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i barfeds in our rink
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I pour the whiskey from now on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
