I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
