I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
