is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
