On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
