broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
