wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"