I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now