I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online