The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
