He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
