i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
