I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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