well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
