I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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