is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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