I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
PANTIES FOUND
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