I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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