my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
