Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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