38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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