No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
