i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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