Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
