My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
