guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
