saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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