fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
two words: eviction party
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
