im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
