mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
