Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
