coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
