The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
