My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
