I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
