If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
