I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
