you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
