Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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