"it" just moved
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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