Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
