when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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