I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
