Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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