C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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