I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
