I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
