Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All the doctor said was why
Dear god my vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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