How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
