Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
