I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
