I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I faked an abortion last night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
