she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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