The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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